so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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