Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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