I wish I only lived at night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
