dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
