were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
