my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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