i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
