is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
