he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
