found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
