We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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