Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
