Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
