Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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