ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
