absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
