she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
