yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize