You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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