Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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