I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
