Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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