I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
