I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
