God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
