anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I came so hard my ears popped.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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