A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize