Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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