and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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