Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
