he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
