i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
