Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i barfeds in our rink
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
