you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
