my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want her autograph on my taint
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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