i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
