He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
