After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
