just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
