idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
