Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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