So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
