I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
