maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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