Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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