she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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