I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
