So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
