I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
