The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
are you so shy because you have an std?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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