I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
