I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and she was petting her beer can
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
