my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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