I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
two words: eviction party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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