People in love make me want to vomit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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