The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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