I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Watching her eat just hurts me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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