Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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