Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
