I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
