New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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