Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
