I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
