people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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