I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
4 words: hood of his car
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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