i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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