so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
