Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
