I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
im on a boat
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