she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
