...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my poor anus
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
