4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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