When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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