I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
