She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize