He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
