He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize