I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
