how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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