If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
