Girls should come with a carfax report
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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