i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
