I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
