He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
