im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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