I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize