I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize