Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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