you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
