good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
