Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
