She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
