Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
MIDGETS
????
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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