I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
