drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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