there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would fuck him just for his dog
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