She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
