I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
