have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
