i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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