Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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