just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
