please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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