So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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