I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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