i think i have two assholes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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