My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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