bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
as a side note pls kill me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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