would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
